The Real Russia. Today. Skripal’s alleged, would-be assassins grant an interview, Pussy Riot’s Pyotr Verzilov was poisoned, and Poklonskaya pays for her insolence

Alexander Petrov and Ruslan Boshirov are our real names. We planned a vacation in London, and went to Salisbury to see the cathedral, Old Sarum, and Stonehenge, but on March 3 there was heavy snowfall, so we couldn’t get around town easily. The next day, we went back to London so we could at least do some sightseeing. Before all this, we had no idea who Sergey Skripal is. We weren’t carrying any Nina Ricci perfume. (British police believe the Novichok nerve agent was transported inside a vial of Nina Ricci perfume.) Why would two decent guys be walking around with women’s perfume? We have a right to privacy. We came to RT for protection, but what we got was an interrogation. We don’t work for military intelligence. We’re ordinary businessmen trying to make it in the fitness industry. The British have been making a lot of claims. At the airport, we always go down one corridor. You’ll have to ask the English why the photos at Gatwick show us with the same timestamp. (Skeptics believe that surveillance footage released by the British authorities shows Petrov and Boshirov appearing alone in the same corridors at the same time, based on timestamps on the photos. Upon closer examination, however, it’s clear that the men walked down different corridors.) We don’t know who actually poisoned the Skripals. When they find the people responsible, we would like the English to apologize to us. This whole situation is an incredible coincidence, and we just want to be left in peace.